The Letter
by AnneValkyria
Summary: One was the reason he was still alive, the other, his reason for living. He gave up everything so she wouldn't have to.
**Summary:** One was the reason he was still alive, the other, his reason for living. He gave up everything so she wouldn't have to.

 **Beta:** Hannah_perry85

 **Disclaimer:** (for fanfiction) All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

* * *

Fawn closed the door behind her father and pressed her forehead against the cool wood. Her hand ached from grabbing and holding on to the knob, and she had to force herself to let it go or she would have thrown it open andscream after him to take it back. The tears that had threatened to fall since he had delivered the news ran in rivulets down her cheeks.

On heavy feet and with a heavy heart, she made her escape into her bedroom and headed straight for the closet where she stored every memory she ever thought was worth keeping. The box she was looking for was kept on the top shelf, hidden behind boxes of limited edition bottle caps, pretty rocks and seashells from a school trip to the beach when she was ten, and homemade Valentine's Day cards from that year ingrade school when they had been forced to make one for everyone in the class.

Fawn placed the old shoebox on top of her dark blue comforter and lifted off the lid with hands that shook so hard the contents rattled inside.

The letter had been crumpled, ripped up and taped together so many times she could barely make out the words, but she knew them by heart and she still ached at sight of the familiar scrawl. She smoothed out the wrinkledpaper with gentle fingers.

With an unsteady breath she began to read:

 _Fawn,_

 _Growing up being called a coward was a sure way to get me in trouble. It was my red flag, my dare and my double dare all wrapped into one. It got me into some deep shit more than once. It's not an excuse and I'm not using it as one_ _._ _E_ _verything I've done has been on me, and this is too. And_ _this_ _is me taking the cowardly way out and saying everything I need to say in this letter instead of facing you like the grown man I'm supposed to be._

 _But there is no way I could get the right words out to go through with this_

 _if I had to look into your big grey eyes when I tell you I can't be with you anymore_ _._

 _Shit. Just writing it hurts, but it has to be done._

 _By now you've probably turned this into confetti, but on the off chance you haven't, please hear me out._

 _I know you think the first time we met was the night of your graduation, but to me, our first meeting happened five years earlier, on your and Dawn's_ _thirteenth_ _birthday. Fuck. You were_ _beautiful even_ _back then, more beautiful than any thirteen_ _year_ _old_ _should be allowed. You were surrounded by horny boys your own age who followed your every move._ _Tig wanted to put the fear of... well_ _him,_ _in_ _them, but I held him back. If only he had known what went on in_ _my_ _head… Do you have any idea how it felt to be drawn to a preteen? It wasn't sexual then, but it was bad enough. There I was closing in on thirty and I couldn't take my eyes off you. The thought of some pervert creeping in on my daughter makes me homicidal. I hated myself, so much that I almost came clean to Tig just so he could put me out of my misery. He would have taken his time, making me suffer for every_ _bad thought_ _I had about his little girl, but it wouldn't have been close to how much I was already suffering._

 _Your old man would have killed me if he found out_ _and_ _part of me wishes he_ _had;_ _the part of me who couldn't stand to be in the same place as him for years afterwards…._ _I couldn't even look at him, hell I couldn't even look at myself._

 _Okay, so maybe this isn't_ _my first cowardly act_ _after all._

 _Belonging to different chapters and living almost 800 miles apart made it easy to avoid him until I had gotten you out of my head. Or I thought I did. It was stupid, but I can't honestly regret going with him to watch you graduate_ _._ _T_ _hat would be like saying_ _I regretted these last few months together,_ _and I will_ _never_ _regret that._ _All of my time_ _spent_ _with_ _you has been the best of my life._

 _When we made love after our day at the beach, it might as well have been my first time too. I was so nervous, so afraid to hurt you, to disappoint you, and I tried to be_ _so_ _careful with you, but still almost lost it the second I was inside of you. You felt_ _so_ _good, better than anything else, better than any high. It was the perfect ending to a perfect day, but I would have waited._ _For you, I would have waited forever_ _._

 _I_ _love_ _you, Fawn, please don't doubt that. I love your mind as much as your body, your anger as much as your humor, and your inside as much as your outside. I love everything about you. I love you more than I have loved anything in my life, and that's why I have to let you go._

 _You gr_ _e_ _w up with a dad w_ _ho was_ _never around, but that never meant he didn't know everything that went on with you two._

 _Ask him and he will tell you the exact_ _time and date_ _you lost your first tooth or rode your first bike, and how many tries it took you before you were able to ride around the block without falling. Ask him about anything, he knows the answer._

 _Please don't hold this against him. Tig loves you and your sister. Remember that._

 _I was stupid to think this wouldn't blow up in my face. I just hoped that when your dad found out about us he could get over it, that all he would need was time. I was wrong. I saw it in his eyes when he caught me kissing you._

 _I'm twice your age, and I have been friends with your dad for as long as you have been alive. He pushed me to get clean and we joined the Marines together_ _._ _I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for him._

 _I went behind his back to be with you_ _._ _I betrayed him, my best friend, to be with you. I'm a horrible friend and an even worse man. Only a coward would do what I did. You deserve better than a coward._

 _You're starting_ _college_ _on Monday and you have your whole life ahead of you._

 _Live. Be great and do great things. While the thought of you with someone else kills me_ _,_ _I just want you to be happy._

 _I don't expect your dad to forgive me for this, but I want you to forgive him. He's made a lot of mistakes, but he does love you. Let him._

 _Years from now, when you have done everything you set out to do, you might want to give me a call._

 _I have been yours since the day we met_ _._

 _And I always will b_ _e_ _,_

 _H_

Fawn put the letter back with the rest, and closed the lid. She returned it to its rightful place hidden behind boxes of limited edition bottle caps, pretty rocks and seashells from a school trip to the beach when she was ten, and homemade Valentine's Day cards from that year ingrade school when they had been forced to make one for everyone in the class. As she searched the hangers for something suitable to wear her father's words echoed inside her head. "The funeral is tomorrow."

~The End~

* * *

 **Thank you for reading**


End file.
